How do you talk to your friends and your nearest and dearest?

Do you give yourself the same care and support?

We communicate all the time to one another, but how often do we stop and hear what we are saying to each other?  Over the next few days why not make a conscious effort to hear what you say to people. What is your tone like when you speak to people? How is the speed of your voice? Is the language that you use positive or negative?

If a close friend or relative comes to you for advice on applying for a promotion at work, what advice would you give them? Would you say you have the skills required to do the job. You are very capable of working at the next level up. You deserve the promotion because of your loyalty and hard work you have put in to the company over the last few years. Or would you say, “Oh no you can’t do that, you are not good enough, and you would be rubbish at that”?

What is someone you know if competing in a sporting event? They have trained hard, they are physically fit and talented. How would you support them and their understandable nerves on the day? Would you remind them of their talent and hard work? Would you help them focus on their own personal goal and the process steps that they need to take to reach the end? Have a think what else you might do to help the person on the day to support them mentally and physically.  Or perhaps you would look round at all the other competitors saying look they are better than you. They have the latest most expensive kit so they are better for certain. They are well known so they will do better. Perhaps you might ask them what they are doing there. Or hope no one watches them warm up or compete, because they will only criticise if they do watch.

If someone you know makes a mistake maybe in the work place or in their personal life (to err is only human after all) what would you say to them? Would you be supportive and listen? Would ask them what they can learn by this mistake and chat how they might rectifying the issue. Would you tell them it was OK and not to beat themselves up about it? Would you help them to remember the positive and great things that they have achieved? Or would you say that they are completely stupid? That everything in the world was their fault what ever happened? Would you keep telling them to relive that moment like a film being played over and over again?

How we talk to our friends, relatives, work colleagues and people we know can be very different to how we talk to ourselves. Sometimes we can have a negative voice talking to us the whole time. It might be saying things like you are not good enough. You will never win. Why would anyone give you a promotion? Don’t look in the mirror you will not like what you see. Give up. Everything is my fault.

I am sure that you will be the supportive person in the above situations. After taking a few days to notice the language and tone you use when talking to other people, take some time to notice how you talk to yourself. Do you give yourself the same amount of love, respect, encouragement, and recognition that you give to others?

NLP is all about the language that we use. Self-talk can be life limiting in so many ways. It can affect our confidence. It can stop us from achieving the things that we really want to achieve. It can bring self-doubt and lack of worth. The voice can be louder or more active at some times than others. Normally when it is least helpful and wanted. As the voice is there in your head it can be hard to control or get rid of.  Sometimes it can be our own voice or it can be a voice of a parent or teacher.


Negative self-talk can be life-limiting in so many ways.

The three main types of limiting beliefs are thought to be:

  • worthlessness
  • hopelessness
  • helplessness

If you have such thoughts or internal voices that say I am not good enough or I am a failure you will set yourself up to fail.

  • Why do you feel undeserving of happiness or success?
  • Why can’t you succeed?
  • What is preventing you from succeeding?
  • How great would it be to control that voice? 

With NLP techniques you can learn to control that voice, with the tools we give you to use. We will use a number of techniques such as Parts integration to remove any conflicts Maybe sometimes you believe in yourself and other you don’t?

Imagine being able to love, respect, encourage, yourself the same way you do others. It really is possible.

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